The Gold Thong
During the entire history of this blog, and aside from identifying A-Rod as a bitch (and he really is a bitch), we have refrained from insulting the Yankees in relation to sexual orientation. Nothing about gay-Rod, for example. This restraint, I should point occur, was particularly admirable in light of the disclosures made during the documentary film, Chokeback Yankees. That movie disclosed the secret romance between A-Rod and Jeter, and how the arrival of Johnny Damon complicated matters within the clubhouse. Beyond that, our restraint has been exercised in the face of the constant refrain about the Pink Sox, whenever the Yankee fans weighed in on this blog.
But never mind all that. Now we learn that the Yankees and their fandom have been closet transvestites all along. Press accounts have confirmed that first Jason Giambi, and then much of the Yankee lineup wears a gold lame (I'm not really sure what lame is) thong, whenever they need to break out of a hitting slump. Think about that. In 2004, the big clubhouse scandal in Boston was when Millar disclosed that the Sox downed shots of Jack Daniels before the post-season games. OK, for some of us, that's not terribly scandalous. But even for puritans, for folks who think alcoholic beverages are the work of the devil, that's still a guy's scandal. Booze in the clubhouse.
By way of contrast, we now learn about girlyman underwear in the Yankee clubhouse. Derek Jeter claims it helps him at the plate because the thong is so uncomfortable he can't think about anything else. So next time Derek digs in at home, with a runner in scoring position, let's all imagine what he's wearing under those pinstripes. And when he gets elected to Cooperstown, will he wear the Gold Thong at the swearing in ceremony? How about someone donates the Gold Thong to the Hall of Fame? They'll have a special exhibit in the museum, right next to that thing about A League of Our Own. The best part of all is, as Dave Barry would say, I'm not making this up.
But never mind all that. Now we learn that the Yankees and their fandom have been closet transvestites all along. Press accounts have confirmed that first Jason Giambi, and then much of the Yankee lineup wears a gold lame (I'm not really sure what lame is) thong, whenever they need to break out of a hitting slump. Think about that. In 2004, the big clubhouse scandal in Boston was when Millar disclosed that the Sox downed shots of Jack Daniels before the post-season games. OK, for some of us, that's not terribly scandalous. But even for puritans, for folks who think alcoholic beverages are the work of the devil, that's still a guy's scandal. Booze in the clubhouse.
By way of contrast, we now learn about girlyman underwear in the Yankee clubhouse. Derek Jeter claims it helps him at the plate because the thong is so uncomfortable he can't think about anything else. So next time Derek digs in at home, with a runner in scoring position, let's all imagine what he's wearing under those pinstripes. And when he gets elected to Cooperstown, will he wear the Gold Thong at the swearing in ceremony? How about someone donates the Gold Thong to the Hall of Fame? They'll have a special exhibit in the museum, right next to that thing about A League of Our Own. The best part of all is, as Dave Barry would say, I'm not making this up.
posted by pops | 7:36 PM
4 Comments:
Berg,
I will reply to this posting while I wait for the (well deserved) inspirational piece about Lester's no-hitter.
I know you have been traveling this spring and although the chronicles of your travels seem believable the truth of your travels must now be told.
You have been attending secret seminars in the middle east and southeast US hosted by right wing sports fanatics. The fanatics who organize and run the seminars which you attend have a clear agenda. Discredit the core values of the great American game, Baseball.
The evidence of your attendance and their agenda has now been revealed. You and your right wing friends are attempting to link the most successful and storied sports franchise in history to behavior that you deem questionable. You and your friends are trying to set the standards for acceptable behavior in baseball. And the saddest part of your smear campaign (like many in the blogisphere)is it is not true. These right wing fanatics are using a familiar strategy of attempting to shine a light in the hope of distraction on the real problem, YOU.
The distraction in this case is the lack of knowledge and use of jock straps by the redsox nation. The absence of the well used sports support cannot be found in the lockers of the redsox. When some of the younger players noticed the the wearing of jock straps by the Yankees and all of the other baseball teams they turned to their learned and experienced teammates. Of course these players needed an explanation. Revealing that estrogen laced sunflower seeds and energy drinks would only further confuse the younger players but it would explain many symptoms and behavior patterns of the redsox nation. Behavior patterns and results of the estrogen include: facial hair to compensate for small crouch packages of the players in the redsox nation, loose fitting uniforms to hide female anatomy development and of course the use of pink as an accent color for the uniform.
Given the alternative the explanation that jock straps are thongs is preferred and easily understood by the younger players. Unfortunately for these innocent and manipulated younger players they are now the mouth pieces of your right wing sports propaganda.
It is sad that your once credible blog has been reduced to hear say, insinuations and falsehoods. Especially in light of this season's successes and current standings. This posting only proves the Yankees' fans premise that redsox fans are more interested in tearing down the Yankees and baseball than any other alternative discussion.
Yours truly - a fan of the Yankees and baseball.
G-man
G,
You need to change your water supply. Your water company is sending you the water that's laced with acid. How else to explain these hallucinatory musings? Secret seminars? Right wing sports propaganda?
First off, my sources for this posting were the New York papers. If you google: "Jason Giambi Gold Thong', you will end up with stories from all over hell, but I took my facts from the Post and the Daily News. The Post story has a photo of Giambi leaning into the stands, probably chasing a foul popup, but with his butt up in the air. Nice touch there. The News has a photo of Johnny Damon (how far has he fallen?), holding up a gold thong and promising that he will definitely wear if if he can. What does that mean? If he can? So anyway, as I said at the end of my posting, I was not making this stuff up. It's really true.
Then you charge me with basing this posting on hearsay and innuendo. Those are not the right terms. The correct term is admissions. These guys - Giambi, Jeter, and I can't remember who else - admitted they wore the damn thong. Now if they had consulted me first, I would have advised them, all of them -- "No way you are admitting you wear gold thongs. The only response you have when the press calls is No comment!"
Next you accuse me of trying to link the Yankees with behavior that I 'deem questionable'. Deem my ass! You don't think it's questionable behavior when a guy wears a gold lame thong, and that guy is neither a drag queen nor stripping at a bachelorette party? Worse, all his teammates admitted they did the same thing. So this is some kind of drag queen convention in the Yankee locker room. Or worse, but I am avoiding any gay bashing here; we are assuming that all of this behavior, as weird as it sounds, somehow falls within the spectrum of heterosexual behavior. I can't see how, but I'm still willing to give them the benefit of the doubt on that count.
So here's the bottom line. If someone is putting baseball in a bad light, it's not me. It's your guys. That moron in your front office; he needs a gag, a sock, something to make him shut up. And Giambi, he needs a pair of boxer shorts, and a sense of when it's not appropriate to share all the details of his personal life with the rest of the world.
And you need to call the water company, because really G, you're trippin'.
Berg,
This only shows to what dark depths the Murdock right wing rag sheet will stoop to. This newspaper has little creditability and now is engaging in digital manipulating of images.
Even if it is true look at the sources Giambi (not a Yankee original) who admittedly took steroids. As a result has lost his balls. He has said he brought the item with him from Oakland in 1996.
Damon (not a Yankee original) who came to the Yankees from your redsox. His sexuality is well chronicled as a redsox. Long hair and funny smile.
Giambi said others have wore it but no others have admitted except Giambi and Damon. This is clearly not a Yankee thing.
Jeter said, "I had it over my shorts and stuff," he said. "I was 0-for-32 and I hit a homer on the first pitch. That's the only time I've ever worn it." This is hardly an admission in a change of underwear.
So if 2 transplanted transvestites continue there weird ways when they get put on the Yankee payroll it is not a Yankee thing. Funny you bring up this isolated incident when the redsox spent seasons calling themselves the 'idiots' and 'cowboy up' whatever that means. And this behavior was followed and endorsed by the entire team and organization.
I am not worried about the Yankees behavior but i would like better starting pitching. By the way I have given up on water and exclusively drink single malt. I tripin' on scotch.
Later,
G-man
At least that's one thing we can agree upon. The drug of choice.
Berg
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