Metaphorical Chaos
My last posting suggested that we could tell that Tom Friedman didn’t really know what he was talking about, because his metaphor – the flat world – was all wrong. But the truth is, I had no clue how wrong. Check this out.
After explaining that the world is flat because accounting firms have tax returns prepared in India, Friedman describes the ten forces that flattened the world. It’s a mish-mosh of recent events – the fall of the Berlin wall, Netscape, Wal-mart, China joining the WTO, Google, and so on. But number ten, the final force that really flattened the hell out of the world, is a group of wireless technologies that get described with another metaphor. So let’s stop and ask ourselves, how would we describe something that really flattened the world? Steamrollers came to my mind. Steamrollers are not particularly sexy or up to date, but they sure flatten stuff. For the more domestically minded, there’s the simple household iron. Irons flatten clothes; they get the wrinkles out. Electric sanders flatten wood; they smooth it out. I like those countertop kitchen grills that press down on sandwiches and make them flat. Or how about road graders and bulldozers that flatten the earth? OK, I’ll admit that none of these devices are consistent with the digital revolution described by Friedman. And remember, he’s a word guy; words are his stock in trade. Words strung into sentences, and paragraphs. And made colorful through the use of metaphors. And so what metaphor does he pick for the ultimate flattener? The Mack daddy motherfucking flattener? According to Tom Friedman, -- Steroids.
Steroids? What the hell do steroids flatten? If anything, steroids make people unflat, all bulked up with muscles bulging out everywhere. But Friedman isn’t content to stop with steroids. In his frenzy to gush about wireless technology, here’s what he says. And, to quote Dave Barry, I’m not making this up. “I call certain new technologies the steroids because they are amplifying and turbocharging all the other flatteners.” This just might be the all-time greatest mixed metaphor. We have the pharmaceutical metaphor, steroids; the electrical metaphor, amplification; and the mechanical engineering metaphor, turbocharging. And not just mixed up. The steroids are amplifying the other flatteners, like Wal-Mart. Steroids making Wal-mart louder. Got that? And after you have that image in your mind’s eye, or wherever you put it, did that somehow help you visualize how the internet is making the world flat? Not strong; not loud; not fast (ok, maybe fast, but that’s just an accident in my opinion.) But flat. Is it clear to you now? Friedman tops Joe Garigiola, who previously held the record for the all time best mixed metaphor, when he announced before a World Series game that, “The chemistry tonight is off the Richter scale!”
Maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe this isn’t a serious book after all, just a bunch of inside jokes about globalization. Or maybe I need a couple more glasses of Talisker before I can appreciate these insights. Or maybe Friedman doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. What do you think?
After explaining that the world is flat because accounting firms have tax returns prepared in India, Friedman describes the ten forces that flattened the world. It’s a mish-mosh of recent events – the fall of the Berlin wall, Netscape, Wal-mart, China joining the WTO, Google, and so on. But number ten, the final force that really flattened the hell out of the world, is a group of wireless technologies that get described with another metaphor. So let’s stop and ask ourselves, how would we describe something that really flattened the world? Steamrollers came to my mind. Steamrollers are not particularly sexy or up to date, but they sure flatten stuff. For the more domestically minded, there’s the simple household iron. Irons flatten clothes; they get the wrinkles out. Electric sanders flatten wood; they smooth it out. I like those countertop kitchen grills that press down on sandwiches and make them flat. Or how about road graders and bulldozers that flatten the earth? OK, I’ll admit that none of these devices are consistent with the digital revolution described by Friedman. And remember, he’s a word guy; words are his stock in trade. Words strung into sentences, and paragraphs. And made colorful through the use of metaphors. And so what metaphor does he pick for the ultimate flattener? The Mack daddy motherfucking flattener? According to Tom Friedman, -- Steroids.
Steroids? What the hell do steroids flatten? If anything, steroids make people unflat, all bulked up with muscles bulging out everywhere. But Friedman isn’t content to stop with steroids. In his frenzy to gush about wireless technology, here’s what he says. And, to quote Dave Barry, I’m not making this up. “I call certain new technologies the steroids because they are amplifying and turbocharging all the other flatteners.” This just might be the all-time greatest mixed metaphor. We have the pharmaceutical metaphor, steroids; the electrical metaphor, amplification; and the mechanical engineering metaphor, turbocharging. And not just mixed up. The steroids are amplifying the other flatteners, like Wal-Mart. Steroids making Wal-mart louder. Got that? And after you have that image in your mind’s eye, or wherever you put it, did that somehow help you visualize how the internet is making the world flat? Not strong; not loud; not fast (ok, maybe fast, but that’s just an accident in my opinion.) But flat. Is it clear to you now? Friedman tops Joe Garigiola, who previously held the record for the all time best mixed metaphor, when he announced before a World Series game that, “The chemistry tonight is off the Richter scale!”
Maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe this isn’t a serious book after all, just a bunch of inside jokes about globalization. Or maybe I need a couple more glasses of Talisker before I can appreciate these insights. Or maybe Friedman doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. What do you think?
posted by pops | 11:25 PM
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